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Food For Thought
In the last issue of AVENues, we asked you the following question:
In what sense, if any, are asexuals oppressed, and how should this influence the goals of AVEN?
Mandrewliter's article above is one of the responses we got. Here are some others:
I don't think oppression comes until public recognition of
the group's existence happens. First comes refusal to recognize
it as an orientation; then making fun of it; then a varying
amount of oppression once they see we're serious; then
acceptance when they even more see we're serious.
- Sally
I feel oppressed by a society that keeps demanding that I,
and other asexuals, must change our ways and live like everyone
else does, that is, either a) become promiscuous and
pick up total strangers in a bar and bring them home without
even knowing their name(s), or b) get married, have babies,
buy a minivan, yada-yada-yada. I'm sick of it. Who are
these people to tell me, or anyone else, how we should live?
- thylacine
I think promiscuity is more of a pressure felt by the younger
generation who are in too much of a hurry to be grown-ups
and see drinking, smoking and sex as a fast track to that. By
the time they leave school it seems like it's meant to be part
of their life-style as a young adult, even if they don't
necessarily enjoy it (and there are plenty of sexuals who do
it despite not getting much of anything out of it, my best
friend being one of them).
As for the white picket fence, marriage, 2.4 kids and a dog
called Spot, it's not really a pressure on asexuals as that
implies that no asexuals want those things. I think many
asexuals have the same problem that a lot of gay people
have in that they want them but they're more difficult for
them to obtain.
I don't think asexuals are oppressed. For me, oppression
means that asexuals would have to be specifically targeted.
We can feel pressured by the expectations of a sexual society,
but it's an unintended pressure born through the majority
of people's ignorance that such a thing as asexuality exists
and a lack of understanding about what asexuality
actually is. If asexuals come out to the world, I think
the biggest problem we face is a lack of comprehension:
for sexuals it's probably the equivalent of
having someone with perfectly good eyes saying they
prefer having them closed all the time.
- Werekitten
I don't think it occurs in this era of this culture, but
what about when people are pretty much forced to
get married and have children because it's totally
unacceptable not to unless you join a religious order
(if there are any)?
- metalgirl2045
I don't think women have ever been pressured in this
sex-repressed society to be promiscuous -- if
anything, there's quite a bit of pressure the other
way, to be chaste and stay a virgin for your husband,
and all that. The existence of a female sex drive is
still rather... denied... in mainstream society (though
not in some pop music!). As for any pressures to get
married and have kids... that's been going away
steadily since the 1950's. I mean, NPR says that 51%
of women are living without a husband (in America),
now. That number seems a bit high to me, but the
point remains: it's nowhere near uncommon, or
frowned upon. Not anymore, at least.
So to answer the question, no, I don't see asexuals as
oppressed in any sense of the word. But sometimes, I
get the impression that there are a lot of asexuals
who desperately want to be oppressed, or persecuted
in some way, as some sort of twisted validation of
their existence.
- Snap-Dragon
This issue, we have a new question for you:
David Jay's blog (http://www.asexualunderground.blogspot.com/) recently finished an excellent series on his model
of how asexuals can find relationships, community, and intimacy that work for them. Not only is it recommended
reading for anybody who also reads AVENues, but it's time for other AVENites to chip in. What relationships and
communities are most important in your life? Why and how do they work for you? How did you get involved
with them, and how are you maintaining them now?
Send your answers to newsletter@asexuality.org. We'll publish our favorite responses, along with another question,
in our next issue.
